Being A Pagan Patient

Being a patient means that some of our strength and wellbeing is weakened. Even if we’re going in for elective surgery, arriving on the ward in good spirits and vigorous, just before we go to theatre and certainly when we come out we’re likely to feel a bit wobbly.

What happens to our soul during anaesthetic?
How do our Pagan beliefs help us when we consider our flesh under the knife, our metabolism being artificially altered with drugs?
Will we be safe to admit our Paganism without someone who has power over us getting excitable?
Will we considered mad, bad and dangerous to know?
What happens if I’m in hospital over a festival?

Going over some of the basics of Paganism can help.

The Basics of Paganism

Immanence

If we believe that the whole of creation is sacred, that Deity is immanent, then this means we are sacred too, as is everyone else.

Interdependence

We understand that each of our actions has far-reaching consequences, most of which we’ll never know about. What I do will affect you, what you do affects me.

Power

Power is fundamental to Paganism, it’s why we’re not Christian or Buddhist or Muslim or anything else. Being Pagan, we understand that humans use power to effect change and most of our life as a Pagan is spent learning how best to use or not use that power.

There are 3 types of power

1. power-over: domination and control
2. power-from-within: personal ability and spiritual integrity
3. power-with: cooperation among equals.

Community

We know that The Truth is a nebulous thing, and that abuses of truth are also abuses of power. Some part of us has always to be alert to what is real and what is not real, from knowing what is actually, faithfully genuine in our own private spirituality, knowing what is authentic in relationships, knowing what truths and lies we are willing to endure.

We can only do this with other people, and those people have to be trustworthy at a fundamental level, on a quest for truth and using power with integrity. Beware the glamour queens and all-knowing kings of Paganism. You need to be treated as an equal, even if you are an absolute newcomer. One of the things that keeps many of us from equality is a deep-seated need to follow a leader: exploring those tensions in ourselves is one of the most important quests we can undertake and it can only be undertaken with others.

Balance

It’s easy to talk all day about the light or to embrace cinematic ideas of living in some kind of underworld. Pagans strive to achieve balance. The dark is where seeds germinate and grow, where we sleep in a healthful and restorative way, where our deepest shames are hidden and gain power over others and ourselves. The light illuminates and clarifies and can blind us and send us mad.


When we’re ill, when we reach moments or extended periods of distress, uncertainty and bereavement, we don’t need to engage in philosophical discourse about avoiding dogma. We need support, answers, and assurance in ways that fit our way of being. When we’re on our knees in suffering we need someone to hold us and do things for us rather than indulging in psychobabble. And we need people who can manage this perfect opportunity for the abuse of power with delicacy and sureness.

Consider if you might be one of those people.

The Fundamentals of Magic

Magic is the Art and Science of causing change to occur
in consciousness in conformity with will.

Love shall be the whole of the law. Love under will.

Personal will is the beginning and end of magic. When we invoke the elements we’re not passively uttering some kind of catechism, we’re calling to creatures that we know will hear us, who desire us as much as we desire them. When we cast a circle, our will creates that semi-permeable membrane through which energies that we want may pass, and energies that we don’t want may not, and it is our will which maintains the integrity of the circle.

Paganism is built on the strong wills of men like Gerald Gardner and Socrates, women like Dion Fortune and Hypatia of Alexandria, who possess desire and determination. Beyond magical paraphernalia and the right phase of the moon lies personal will. It is entirely possible to perform ritual in a hospital bed without any tools at all, but we need to know what we’re doing and why we’re doing it.

There are three types of ritual:

1. Celebrating seasonal ritual
2. Celebrating rites of passage
3. Causing change.

All rituals use symbols to communicate with our unconscious minds. The pentagram, the athame, the wand and chalice represent deeper, abstract notions. Candles represent the presence of Beings that we cannot fully comprehend. Our robes or our nakedness represent a change in our way of thinking and behaving. It’s easy to confuse the symbol with that which is being symbolised, so that we feel helpless when we find we can’t light candles, chant or use an athame on the wards.

For many of us, being allowed to use religious ritual items puts us on a par with members of other religions; we feel – rightly – that we should be afforded the same respect that is given to Jews, Muslims and Buddhists. But these non-Christian people had to endure years of being treated as a curiosity and a problem and in many places still are. We have the comfort of not immediately standing out as Other, of not automatically being perceived as exotic. There’s a lot to be said for being ordinary.

When we feel powerless, however, we can make demands that force people in power to take note of us and religious culture has become an easy way of achieving that. Paganism is a religion of freedom yet sometimes we present ourselves as slaves to crystals, tarot cards and frippery. Sometimes we use these items to make other people uncomfortable and to make ourselves feel powerful. This is using power to dominate and control.

The partner of the concept of will as a tool for causing change is an equally important understanding: the Will of the Higher Self, beyond corporeal need and desire, the desires of our divine self. Both are lifelong journeys sometimes leading in opposite directions, and both can help us when we’re unwell. Listening for the voice of the Will of the Higher Self, we know that our robes and wands are toys, as are the censer and the crucifix, the kara and the veil. Our way of being with other people speaks more about the maturity and value of our religions than any object we demand we must have.

Celebrating Festivals On The Ward

We live as part of a benevolent world, where Elemental Beings are quick to come when called. Hospitals are places of pain, fear and illness and also healing, soothing and kindness. There is a great deal of power that can be called upon here, not least the power of death and birth. We are able to ride that power when we can’t raise our own.

We know that there are others all over the country, all over the world, who are also celebrating this festival, a flow of consciousness and intent is formed that we can also ride when we can’t raise our own.

First thing in the morning or last thing at night are more likely to be quiet and peaceful on the ward. Whether you’re alone or have someone with you to celebrate, let the staff know so that you’re less likely to be disturbed, and pull the curtains. You don’t need any tools.

Set your intent

You are celebrating a seasonal festival, recognising yourself as part of the circulating ocean of birth, death and rebirth. As a religion of balance we know that Brigid and the Caileach are one, that Beltaine is the same as Samhain, that celebrating Samhain does not make us more likely to die, or celebrating Beltaine more likely to become young. We know that wellbring is linked to remembering that the seasons flow through us, that we are part of the wholeness of the Circle and the balance of the Elements.

Ground

You are the centre of the circle, feel for the self that you become in ritual when Deity comes to the fore. Be Here Now.

Invoke the Elements

In your minds eye, in the Otherworld, look to the cardinal point that you usually begin with and call to the Being that resides there to come and stand in Its place in the circle. Call to all 4 quarters, and they will Be Here Now.

Imagine yourself and the Elements casting the circle

North calling to East, East to South, South to West, West back to North. Perhaps animals associated with each quarter run, fly or swim to the next, casting the circle as they go.

The circle can be a bubble or a henge, the path of the sun and moon, the movement of an atom, whatever you feel most familiar and comfortable with, creating a beneficent membrane which will contain you, the Elements and whatever other loving creatures are meant to be there. Just doing this much, simply marking the difference of a change in season is entirely sufficient. If you want to do more in the Otherworld, talking with Deity, observing whatever is with you in this magical place, whatever it is, just do it.

You don’t need any tools other than your will.

If you want to do ritual, it will happen.

When you’re ready to return to the Apparent world, thank whoever has been with you there. The Elemental beings know what to do, and they’ll do it with you, revivifying the elemental parts of you, uncasting the circle, returning to wherever they came from.

Remember that whatever happens in ritual is part of the ritual, so if you’re disturbed that is something to make sense of, something that was meant to occur. Be peaceful.

Daily Practice

Every day, try to remember to put aside a period of time when you make conscious contact with the Otherworld. Whether that’s letting Deity sweetly illuminate every cell of your body, or watching your power animal explore your sickness, calling the Elemental Beings to rebalance you, or simply spending time becoming better acquainted with your own inner worlds, make the time to do it. Ward life can be very boring, and the more boring it gets the less likely we are to make good use of our time particularly if we’re anxious. The more we attempt to make best use of our time, the less boring it becomes.

When you eat, eat consciously

Just before you eat, look at the food and be grateful for it, whatever it looks like. Food is as powerful as medication. See the food breaking down into nutrients and those nutrients flowing to wherever they’re of most use. See how the cells which need particular nutrients call to them, and nutrients call to the cells, how well they fit each other and how much good they do together.

When you drink, drink consciously

Just before you drink, look at the water and be grateful for it; clean, fresh water that we are privileged to have. Water is as powerful as medication. Feel the coolness of water freshening your mouth, making your throat more comfortable, helping those nutrients get where they’re going, moistening and lubricating every organ, bone and fibre.

Breath consciously

Breathing can be troublesome in hospital particularly if you’ve had surgery, in which case it’s even more important that you breath deeply. Breath is a cleanser, carrying life to every part of our bodies. Lying in bed doesn’t make deep breathing much of a priority yet as we heal we need to support our own healing as much as we can. Simply breathing into the base of our lungs increases oxygen circulation, decreases impurities, gets our blood moving. It’s not called the breath of life for nothing.

Be concious about the experience of entering a liminal space

of not being part of the world and being in the place where your control over what happens to you is very much reduced.

There's a lot to be learned from observation

Stare into the middle distance for a while. Let your mind wander a little and see what there is to learn from illness. How is power used by different staff and by patients? What symbolic behaviours and rituals are there on the ward, from Drs rounds to washing, bedmaking and meals? What does service manifests? What warps it? What can you learn about your own use of power, symbolic behaviours and service?

Being ill is tiring, so sleep as soon as you feel weary

Sleep is a great healer. Allow Hypnos, Morpheus, Asclepius, Apollo or the pantheon or Deities of your choise do their work.

Purifying Your Space

How do we keep our bed area pure, knowing that the hospitals are places of strong feelings? There are a few restrictions we have to work within:

• We can’t use a naked flame – oxygen is highly flammable, as are bedclothes.

• We can’t use smoke – smoke alarms will go off and other patients will be affected.

• We can’t sprinkle things around – if it gets on the floor it becomes a slipping risk, if it gets on your bed it becomes an infection risk, even if it’s salt.

• We have to avoid imposing our beliefs on others, even inadvertently.

If you’re only in for a couple of nights, consider if you need do anything at all. If you feel that you do, here’re a couple of suggestions.

Two or three drops of an essential oil, something simple like tea tree, lavender or rose on your pillow and at the foot of your bed is enough to subtly infuse the air around you.

Bring in a small live rosemary plant and allow it to naturally and subtly cleanse your air. Don’t bring in dried herb, but a living plant which takes in your carbon dioxide and gives off oxygen during daylight. When you leave, plant it in outdoor earth where it will thrive.

It’s important to keep the area around your bed free from clutter. Scores of people walk in and out of wards every day so unless you’re prepared to lose it, don’t bring anything precious in. A postcard of the Goddess is far more appropriate than a statue; leave all jewellery at home.

We have a responsibility to act as ambassadors for our religion: ostentatiously spreading tarot cards around or insisting that you sleep with your staff makes us look weird, frankly, and very understandably makes some people uncomfortable. If we insist on behaving like this we cannot be outraged when a member of staff asks us to be more relaxed about our religious needs. In hospital we are members of a ward community as well as having the privilege of representing Paganism (whether we want to or not) and, however ill we are, we still have responsibilities towards others.

Childrens involvement in adult illness and death

My own experience of hospitals as a child was one of confusion, crushing guilt and boredom. Years later I came to understand this experience as one of my first and amongst the greatest exposure to abuse of power.

My father suddenly disappeared. I went to school one morning and when I came back he’d gone. He’d been taken into hospital after a heart attack. My mother and I went to the ward every day but because I was 9 I wasn’t allowed onto the ward and so just sat around outside bored out of my skull. I remember a nurse walking past once and I asked her, if I was very quiet, could see my father. She smiled and said, “Aren’t you grown up?” And then she left. Her spite was probably a result of being treated with contempt herself, but who cares? There are good reasons to curse, from time to time.

When my mother came out of the ward and told me to ask the taxi to wait I was glad to do something after what seemed like hours of boredom and it wasn’t until I was some way away that I asked “How’s dad?” “He’s dead.”

Things are very different now, thank Gods. Children are allowed onto wards, have specialist support when their loved ones become ill or die and are accepted at funerals. But still, many of us have doubts and fears about involving children in these high-drama, high-energy events. I propose that part of that anxiety is a way of maintaining some feelings of control over uncontrollable events. Children are the least powerful people around us and they’re used to the idea that adults can tell them what to do, know what is best for them, and that children are only good if they do as they’re told. If they object they are bad.

It’s as if we become amnesiac as soon as we become parents. Children are resilient, and have a better grasp of right and wrong than most adults. As adults we are responsible for keeping our children safe: seeing someone who is ill is not dangerous; seeing a dead body is not dangerous; being part of a funeral is not dangerous; seeing parents weeping and distraught will be shocking and difficult but not dangerous, particularly when we’re able to return to the child, love and talk with them, treating them as equals.